---
title: Showing up, opening up and finding connection
description: What happens when you step outside your comfort zone? Elie Zabaneh reflects on connection, community and mental wellbeing.
image: https://blog.programmed.com.au/hubfs/Mens%20table.png
---

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# *Oct 8, 2026, 1:32:28 PM | [Culture & Community](https://blog.programmed.com.au/men-connect/tag/culture-community)* Showing up, opening up and finding connection

What happens when you step outside your comfort zone? Elie Zabaneh reflects on connection, community and mental wellbeing.

Conversations about men's mental health often focus on the importance of seeking support, but knowing where to start can be the hardest part. For many men, opening up, asking for help or simply talking about what's going on can feel uncomfortable, even when they know it might help. That's why connection matters. Having a space where you can be yourself, share what's on your mind and know you're not alone can make a meaningful difference to wellbeing.

For Elie Zabaneh, Account Manager in our Industrial, Infrastructure & Training business, joining The Men's Table was an opportunity to step outside his comfort zone, reconnect with other men and continue a personal journey of growth and self-awareness. 

**What led you to join The Men's Table?**

I've always valued genuine connection, but for a long time I didn't realise how much I was missing the sense of brotherhood that can come from spending time with other men. About a year and a half before joining The Men's Table, I went on a men's retreat called Warrior's Way. I went into it absolutely terrified, but I came away having experienced a sense of brotherhood and belonging that I don't think I'd ever really felt with other men before.

Fast forward about 12 months and I had rejoined Programmed as an Account Manager and completed a refresher in mental health training. Around the same time, an email came through about joining a Men's Table. My life wasn't necessarily bad, but it had started to feel stagnant. Work, home, rinse and repeat. I wasn't doing much that I genuinely looked forward to. When I saw the email, it reminded me of what I'd felt at Warrior's Way: being around other men, being able to talk openly and genuinely feeling seen. Part of me realised I'd been missing that, so I thought, why not give it a go?

I think I was looking for connection more than anything. My circle of male friends had become smaller after the loss of a significant friendship, and I probably hadn't admitted to myself how lonely that made me feel. I'd also reached a point where I felt like I'd stopped growing. Somewhere along the way, I'd fallen back into the same routine. When The Men's Table came up, I was hoping to find some of that connection again, particularly with other men, while also challenging myself instead of just going through the motions.

What was it like walking into your first Men's Table meeting?![PXL\_20260624\_100746666-1](https://blog.programmed.com.au/hs-fs/hubfs/PXL_20260624_100746666-1.jpg?width=413&height=311&name=PXL_20260624_100746666-1.jpg)

My first Men's Table was probably a slightly unusual introduction because two tables had come together that night. Normally there might be around 10 men, but I walked upstairs and there were about 25. I'd been speaking beforehand with a gentleman named Hilary, who was incredibly welcoming and encouraging about me coming along. Sadly, he's since passed away, but I still remember how much easier his encouragement made walking into that room.

I grabbed a drink, went upstairs and found myself shaking hands with a room full of men I'd never met. My nerves came back. Where do I stand? What do I do with my hands? Do I look awkward? Eventually we sat down, had some food and started with three simple questions: What's your name? Why are you here? What's something we don't know about you?

I caught myself rehearsing my answer in my head, then had this moment of thinking, none of these guys even know me, so why am I trying so hard? When it got to me, I admitted that situations like this actually make me really anxious. The thing that stood out was how normal everyone made it feel. They'd all been in the exact position I was in.

**Many men find opening up difficult. What helped you feel comfortable sharing?**

I wouldn't say opening up has suddenly become easy. I still get nervous, I still rehearse things in my head and sometimes I'm sitting there wondering what I'm going to say when it gets to me. What helps is listening to others. There's no obligation to share, but when you hear someone else speak honestly about something, it gives you a little courage to do the same.

I tend to speak later in the group because I need time to listen, process what I'm feeling and work out what I actually want to say. I've spent the last few years learning about myself and doing "the work", but I can still catch myself rehearsing an answer or trying to prove that I know something. Eventually I have to ask myself, who am I actually trying to prove this to?

**What have you discovered about yourself through these conversations?**

I've realised how much time I can spend rehearsing, thinking about what I'm going to say, how I'm going to come across or what people might think of me. For a long time, I've probably carried a tougher exterior and felt like I needed to present a certain version of myself. But people can see through the fluff anyway and, strangely, the moments where I've felt most connected to others have been when I've stopped trying so hard and just been myself.

Underneath all of it, I've realised something pretty simple: I just want to be seen and heard.

**How has being part of The Men's Table impacted your mental wellbeing?**

I've definitely noticed the value of getting things out of my head and saying them out loud. Sometimes that's enough in itself. I've said it, someone's heard it, and I can leave feeling lighter rather than continuing to carry it around.

Other times, saying something out loud actually gives me more to think about. You might go in thinking you're frustrated about work, a relationship or something that's happened, but as you're talking about it, you start to realise there's something deeper underneath it. Sometimes I leave the table having let go of something, and other times I leave with a better question to ask myself.

**Has it changed the way you manage stress or navigate difficult periods?**

I'm still figuring this one out. I don't think anyone comes out of this process with a perfect way of managing stress or difficult periods. For me, it's about building awareness and recognising what I'm feeling before it gets to the point where it erupts or becomes overwhelming.

Over the last few years, I've picked up different tools, including breathwork, movement, journalling, talking things through and allowing myself to rest without feeling guilty. I like to think of Batman and his utility belt. It's about knowing what you need in the moment and reaching for the right tool.

**Has the experience influenced your relationships with family, friends or colleagues?**

I'm naturally a problem solver. If someone I care about comes to me with something they're struggling with, my instinct is usually to jump straight into, "Okay, how do we fix this?"

Most people don't always need you to fix anything. Sometimes they just want to be heard. The Men's Table reinforced that for me because a big part of it is simply listening to someone without feeling like you have to give them an answer. One of the rules in our group is "don't try to fix".

I'm learning to do that in my own relationships and it's made me more conscious of not assuming that the support I want to give is necessarily the support the other person needs.

**What role do connection and community play in maintaining good mental health?![me-1](https://blog.programmed.com.au/hs-fs/hubfs/me-1.png?width=230&height=396&name=me-1.png)**

I think I'm starting to realise that connection doesn't always mean talking or constantly contributing. I'm actually a massive homebody. I can be pretty quiet and then, if you get me talking about something I love, I'll probably be the loudest person in the room. Some of the moments where I feel most connected are actually really simple ones. It might be a family barbecue where I don't need to be involved in every conversation. I can simply sit there and be around people I love and there's something comforting about that. I don't need to earn my place.

The Men's Table has made me think about that in a different way with other men. I'm still new to it, so I'm not going to pretend I've suddenly built all these lifelong friendships, but I'm starting to understand how community gets built. You show up, you listen, you share when you're ready and eventually you become more comfortable just being there.

**How has your understanding of vulnerability and asking for support evolved?**

The Men's Table has definitely reinforced this for me. Five years ago, if something was bothering me, I probably would've bottled it up, pushed it down or told myself it wasn't worth talking about. I saw vulnerability as something that was easier to avoid because it made me look weak.

These days, I'm learning that vulnerability doesn't necessarily mean having some huge emotional conversation. Sometimes it's being able to recognise that I'm not doing great today and doing something about it. Asking for support, or even just acknowledging to the group that I'm feeling a certain way, doesn't feel like weakness anymore. It's become part of looking after myself.

**Looking back, what does wellbeing and connection mean to you now?**

I don't think wellbeing is about having everything figured out or never struggling. For me, it's becoming more aware of what's going on underneath the surface and being willing to be honest about it. I've learned that connection isn't something that just happens. It takes showing up, being present and sometimes stepping outside your comfort zone. The Warrior's Way taught me something about what can exist on the other side of discomfort. The Men's Table is me choosing not to stop exploring that.

**What would you say to someone who is considering joining The Men's Table?**

I'd say you don't need to have everything figured out before you walk through the door.

For me, the most valuable part has simply been giving myself the opportunity to show up, lean into it and see what happens. Opportunities to grow or learn something about yourself don't always just present themselves. Sometimes you have to take action. I don't want to put pressure on myself to get some huge outcome. I just want to keep showing up, give it a genuine shot and see where it takes me.

**Could The Men's Table be right for you?**

The Men's Table is a not-for-profit organisation that creates safe spaces for men to connect, share experiences and support one another through regular small-group conversations. The focus isn't on fixing problems or having all the answers. It's about showing up, listening, being heard and building genuine connections with other men.

If you'd like to learn more, find a local table or get involved, visit [The Men's Table](https://www.themenstable.org/).

*"You show up, you listen, you share when you're ready and eventually you become more comfortable just being there."* – Elie Zabaneh

 

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